Loving life isn’t easy and for some reason it seems to get tougher to do so in your 30’s. I feel I spent most of my 20’s partying like a rock star, travelling and for most part being carefree. I mean, I always focused on working hard and developing, personally and professionally, but all else such as settling down, saving for retirement and buying a home were not on my agenda. I primarily concentrated on working so that I could afford the luxury of living life to the fullest, helping out my family and shopping (after all I was a true NYC gal).
At times, many tend to get so fixated on life’s pressures and societies standards completely forgetting to enjoy everyone and everything around them. During my early 20’s I was one of those individuals. That was until I faced what became, until this day, the most painful experience of my life. One of my closest cousins passed away at the early age of 29. In my life, Milton played the role of a big brother. I am the eldest of three and the only girl; his role was definitely an important one. He took me to my first club, taught me about boys and the importance/value of me as a woman around those boys (good or bad), guided me to have faith and so much more. One of the most important things I learned from him was love. He loved everyone, including me, unconditionally and I adored him for that. No words can ever express the devastation I experienced nor the pain I still feel even after years of losing him.
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| Milton and Destiny a few months before his passing. |
I am a true believer that all challenges in our lives happen as they should. Many times throughout our difficult moments we question why we must go through such harsh experiences. I must admit I was one of those individuals until after Milton’s passing. It wasn’t until losing one of the most important people in my life that I realized each experience is meant to teach us something new. It’s up to us to decide whether we will let that moment make or break us as a person. It all depends on what we choose for our lives. Losing Milton was a major life changing experience. Prior to this loss I was always fixated on work and making money. I would hang out at clubs with friends but had no real bonding experiences or true enjoyment of life. I was under the impression that my family and true friends would always be there for me no matter what. I considered loving me was just part of the package and having to invest into each relationship was not necessary. I had not realized that one-day a loved one might have no choice but to no longer be in my life, such as Milton. It had been almost 6 months since I had last seen him. I remember him contacting me to get together but most of all I remember how I never made it happen. I just kept saying, “Yeah, definitely, we’ll figure something out. I miss you too.” When I finally did see him he was in a coffin…. *sigh*
What I learned from this entire experience is that life is SHORT and that we truly are meant to live it to the fullest. The fullest meaning being responsible (working, developing, maintaining our home) and taking the time out to do what makes us happy with the people we love and care for. At the end of the day, when we pass all we leave behind are our bills (inheritance if you’re fortunate) and our memories. This is why I choose to live each day as a moment to establish a new memory. I try to enjoy my family and friends (new and old) through simple actions such as an email, call or through more heartfelt moments such as dinners or outings. I try to invest into each relationship as best as I possibly can. Can I just say, “Thank goodness for social media outlets such as Facebook?” What would we be without it?
Yes, loving life isn’t easy. It consists of so much responsibility and as human beings it’s so easy for us to fixate on the daily struggles of life allowing it to prohibit us from enjoying it as we are meant to do so. There are times that I am utterly exhausted from work, classes and overall stress that all I want to do is go home and throw myself on my comfy bed. Days like these can be impeding fun for anyone. I had one of those nights a while back. I recall being physically and emotionally overwhelmed with everything. To boot, I felt completely unattractive because it was just one of those days. My friends and I had scheduled to attend an event and I was ready to bail out. Then I thought to myself, “why?”. I deserve to have a great time after a rough week. I put my mind in check and made it happen. Boy was I glad I did. We had such a fantastic time out. It seems that every time I do that I always manage to have a great new memory to look back at.
Yes, loving life isn’t easy, now throw in relocating to a new country in your 30’s when you should, supposedly, be settling down, keeping your career and who knows what else. Add on the being single factor in a country where family and relationships are a must along with not really fitting in amongst the rest because your features are such an oddity and boom…you have a true recipe for becoming your own obstacle. Yes, your own obstacle. Life is tough, there is no question about it, but you have to admit, sometimes we make things harder then they should be. We have to learn not to be our own obstacles. When negative things come my way I deal with the emotion. I let myself vent, cry, scream, whatever, then I go through the “how can I make it better or right” phase. At times, this can also consist of how can I just let things be instead. There are some things we simply cannot improve or change and we have to learn to come to terms with that. I always analyze everything and reach out to my loved ones for support and suggestions to ensure I am on the right path. Such as now, last year I relocated from New York City to Santiago to assist in the reconstruction of Chile after the February 2010 earthquake. I signed up for a one-year project that would have me back home by May 2011. Well, after much counseling with my loved ones, one heck of an emotional rollercoaster and life changing experiences, I am now living in Chile. Ha! Go figure. Who would’ve guessed? I had a phenomenal life in NYC that I so willingly gave up and now I deal with the daily struggle of homesickness but I do LOVE my new life and wouldn’t have it any other way.
So yes, loving life isn’t easy and living in Chile as a single 30 something single female that has different features and complexion, in most of the areas she hangs out in, is going to be a true test of how easy it will be for me to continue loving life. I will tell you this though; I am up for the challenge. However, I will admit, it’s easy for me to be up for the challenge because I count my blessings everyday. I continue to have the support from my loved ones back home and now I am blessed with wonderful friends in Chile. Like all expats, there are tremendous challenges ahead for me (cultural, professional, sociable, personal, financial and so much more). I look forward to voicing and sharing these challenges with each of you while learning from each experience and focusing on always doing what I love.
In the volunteer apartment I lived in last year my roomie Colleen left a frame behind that said “Do one thing everyday that makes you happy”. I have kept it with me since and try to live by those words day by day. So now I ask you…what have you done today that makes you happy?
Go ahead! Let yourself live! You deserve it!
Roxie
*Life is GOOD!*
